“Do not take my kindness as a weakness!
I’m nice to everyone, but when someone is not nice to me, “weak” is not the word you’ll remember about me … “
Al Capone.
Hello, young Padawan
Aren’t you too cold? Yes, you are? Don’t panic, with this article we will warm hearts. Today we will make peace with the others and past situations, for our good. Because taking care of oneself is also understanding specific mechanisms that disadvantage us, in order to exploit them for our benefit.
Are you ready? Ok, here we go, hang on to your underpants and let’s get the show on the road.
Our thoughts create our emotions — not events
We often misinterpret a sentence or a raised eyebrow. And so begins the movie, I mean, the series in 12 episodes, of negative rehashing of what happened. And who takes disadvantage of all that? You, not the others.
These are your thoughts. The rest of the world doesn’t give a shit about it, even if the guy really gave you a dirty look, he has already forgotten about you (and this is often the case, admits that you’ve already misinterpreted a behavior, ed). That’s why it’s time to clean up your little brain to stop wasting your time in unnecessary emotions, to finally enjoy your life in peace and serenity.
The same goes for the “not chosen” events of our lives. We have the choice to welcome them as challenges, opportunities, or as “problems.” In one case it will be easier to overcome them than in the other, I’ll let you guess which one.
If it turns out that the event in question is a particularly difficult event to overcome, choosing to welcome it with philosophy will help you cope. Life is not fair, it is not its purpose to be so, events happen, and we have no choice but to deal with them. Fortunately, time brings peace, wisdom and step back.
Ode to kindness
“Kindness is the nobility of intelligence”
Jacques Weber.
The way we treat the others speaks volumes about our self-esteem. The more we respect ourselves, the more we love ourselves and the more we are caring and patient with the others. So to be benevolent with others is to respect oneself.
The trials we go through, however difficult they may be, do not give us the right to discharge our aggressivity on the others. Worse, you hurt your self-esteem when you do that. Just as grudge is only bad for yourself. First, because the others don’t give a shit about it, second, because there is no impact on their daily lives. Unlike you, and this feeling is terrible for your health.
This theory is even scientifically proven: see the study by B.J. Bushman and C.A. Anderson, who shows that unlike grudge, forgiveness is good for the cardiovascular system. Absolutely.
Of course, since to forgive is to turn the page, to offer oneself the right to think (finally!) about something else, to stop constantly dwell on the past, about which we cannot change anything, but which stress and prevent us from sleeping (and thus deteriorate our health).
When we are benevolent with others, we are first with ourselves. The positive energy we pour on others also radiates us. As if giving love from our bowels in a moment when it’s everything but easy, we won a hundredfold in return. Because deep down, your little heart knows when you did a good action, you’re proud of you, and it makes you hot everywhere (I’m talking about heart, don’t make me say what I did not say. What do you mean: “For once!”?!!).
Finally, let go of the bad memories and bad events to put them permanently in their right place: in the past. Even if what you experienced was terrible, unbearable, it is past. It’s finished. Today, you can make the choice to definitely get out of your victim status’s, to be the master of your own life. Your life is not your past, it is here and now.
Kindness with oneself, one’s past, and the others.
Nice … but with limits
Earlier, I used the word “kind” knowingly, because today it is considered as stupid or as a sign of weakness, like Al Capone, the lovely Godfather, kindly reminded to us. #seconddegree
But it’s quite the opposite: The real strength is self-control, not responding to aggression, to remain nice with the haughty, calm in front of the vainglorious, peaceful facing the pedantic.
Preserving others and being benevolent with the less friendly, or the idiots, it is not letting yourself be stepped on.
Be kind to one’s fellow creatures, “until it is the time to not be nice” (Remember the movie “Roadhouse”? Yes, if you are around my age, huh, meaning young, very young, lol). I remind you that carebears are ursidae, not whelks.
How to determine the proper moment? Where respect stops. Let’s take an example in the professional domain and imagine that you work in service (restaurant, office, lawyer, teller, B to B, B to C, whatever): It is not because you are at the service of others, that you are their servants. Do you grasp the nuance? Of course, you do.
Our thoughts create our emotions.
When we understand this, we finally become emotionally independent. Thus the not chosen events of our lives, or the behavior of others, can only reach us if we have a thought that generates an unpleasant emotion inside us. We then make the choice of our thoughts. Positive, of course. At first, we feel a little weird, but soon we take the trick, and then we feel lighter day after day. And happier.
So, are you ready to be a “nice but strong” guy with me? Join the great “Peace and love, until the moment when it’s time for the joke to stop” team. The strength of the lion in the body of a nice buddy.
Yes, it was a complete article on the noble art of not giving a f@#!!* (In French we say “fighting your balls,” something like that, ed). But it feels so good when you really get there, so, it worth it to spread the information!
kind regards and benevolent kisses 🦁
Sources: Granting forgiveness or harboring grudges de C.V.O. Witvliet et al., in Psychological Science – 2001.
Eastern Market, Detroit, MI, USA.