“Evolution is not a simple blossoming without difficulty and without struggle, like that of organic life, but the hard and forced work on oneself.”
Georg W. F. Hegel.
Hello, young padawan,
In this more than atypical “atmosphere,” where mood and morality have taken quite a blow, I thought it would be appropriate to tackle a small subject on a human defect often encountered, the excess of ego. Today we are going to develop what the ego really is, that is to say, the opposite of what we think at first sight, and above all, what to do, what to work to be fine in your shoes in a world where we reverse all our values, where even George Orwell would hallucinate, and that is something, according to the gentleman’s imagination.
If you think I’m going to try to explain to you that those who have too much ego are bruised, sensitive people who deserve our attention more than our judgment or our pity, you’re right. Remembering when we point the finger at someone, we point three others at ourselves; I will appeal to your listening and your open-mindedness because if you take the time to listen and understand, not only will you benefit yourself personally by this altruism, but it will also benefit others.
Indeed, once his ego is normalized, this charming human being can even become, in the long term, your most faithful friend, your strongest ally.
The ego is not the watermelon we think.
First of all, definition. The ego designates the self, that is, the representation and consciousness that every individual has of himself. The surplus of ego is to spread out, to want to prove to others through lack of self-confidence, which prevents it from reaching, in the long term, a form of truth, of depth.
For some of us, it came from childhood—with parents who did not encourage enough, or worse, in competition with their offspring. Thus, as an ultimate reflex of psychological survival, the little girl or the little boy will develop a tendency to display all that he knows how to do, all that he has, all that will, for lack of encouragement, or recognition from his family circle.
Sometimes it started with the failure of the first love, consummated and ended abruptly, or rejected. Broken heart, humiliation, great pain badly or never really cured… all these sad experiences play on self-esteem. The ingenuous blue flowers dropped, the young lover rejected, the sweet poems and dreams suddenly fall into a full nightmare. The slap of reality knocked them out. Remember this feeling of abysmal emptiness in the heart of our 17, or 20-year-olds? We all experienced it, but some of us cannot recover from it.
Some will no longer be able to open up in love, no longer trust again. They sometimes start to use humans as a consumer good, in robot mode. No more beautiful love stories; there will only be more or less sordid affairs for them. In addition to the ultimate pain of not loving others again, they will no longer succeed in loving themselves truly.
You see, dear Padawan, this is why I say that our human fellow with the oversized ego is not an asshole. He is one of our kind who once enjoyed sweet dreams and a capacity to love that was probably above average. He might even brag about it if it didn’t bring him back to the reason for his “me I” and “I know, I did it.”
Note: We all agree that our complex lives, our general lack of time, and our daily personal problems do not always make us want to be an attentive ear to the lives of others; it goes without saying, so I say it anyway. And, of course, I mean the people in your circle, those who are important to you, not to feed all the cats in the neighborhood.
Self-esteem
With our wounded self-esteem, we come to underestimate our value. Then arises an irrepressible need to see recognition in the eyes of others; so we talk, we show off, we try to impress. However, even if it worked, if our fellow human beings applauded us each time we said that we were the best in something, we would quickly realize that our self-esteem does not grow because the only way to esteem ourselves more is to appreciate our successes at their fair value, and to love ourselves, before wanting to be loved by others. And when you’ll love yourself, you will no longer need to make others love you because they will love you, naturally – Virtuous circle.
You will not be offended by this or that criticism if you know your worth. This also hurts people with oversized egos and, therefore, hurts their self-esteem. Each criticism is a real wound, a return to trauma for them. Therefore, it is a matter of the mental health of these people to work on their self-esteem. For example, every day, establish a positive thought about oneself, a kind word, and gentle attention towards oneself to find a harmony that will allow the return of confidence and self-esteem at its true value.
Resilience
We all have more or less past severe traumas, but that doesn’t mean that it gives you the right to ruin your life or that of others. The wound you have is not your fault, but the healing is your responsibility, and if you do not take care of it, you will bleed on others – thus, you will love badly, and you will be badly loved.
Posture reveals a lot about us too. To be anchored in the ground, with a straight back and parallel shoulders, is to have an attitude aware of reality, determined, balanced in one’s life, and ready to live our adventures in the best way. It also means adopting a positive attitude, which will be the breeding ground for positive thinking. So we raise our heads, adopt a more harmonious posture, and move forward.
Resilience is about transcending a sad, traumatic, or painful event into a positive one and transforming pain into a driving force, like shyness into a talent for the stage or illness into a starting point for launching a new project. It is the same for bruised self-esteem; you have to make it a strength and transcend this ordeal for the better. How many of us have become business leaders after burnout or depression, changed lives after bereavement, divorced, or became great athletes after the trauma of disability?
That lady didn’t want you, or that gentleman dumped you? Know that someone even more incredible is out there for you somewhere. Open your trust and your heart again. Most human beings are good and loyal; you just have to be careful with the casting, because yes, love is really worth it.
Were your parents indifferent, not encouraging, competitive, even jealous? Know that no trial is given to us that we cannot overcome and that these trials have forged the person you have become. You have great value, you are a great human being, and if people important to you did not see your value, it was because they did not have enough heart, soul, or spirit to see it. It’s up to you to prove to yourself that you can do it, that you will do it. You are already on the path to success; you just have to start believing in yourself, appreciating yourself, esteeming yourself.
And a day will come when you will no longer need to flaunt, because it will be the others who will state your assets. And believe me, at that time, to hear them say all the good things they think of you, you will be very embarrassed. So get ready to blush, dear Padawan, and love yourself, for god sake!
Less ego more self-esteem is the goal of this article. As we all have one in our entourage, possibly ourselves: if you are in the case of the ego, I think you have understood two or three things that will allow you to move forward, and if you are on the side of those who listen wondering how is this possible, you now have the beginning of an explanation, to allow you to de-dramatize the situation.
In any case, I wish you a beautiful evening, peace, love, and rock n’roll, as always, and see you on Friday.
XO 🍉
Ps: About rock ‘n roll and this post, I recommend you listen to this little song.
Pps: If you want to deepen the notion of “responsibility to change things,” you can click here.
La Plagne, Savoie, France.