« Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. ».
Marie Curie.
Hello, young Padawan,
Following a question asked by an Instagram Padawan, we are going to be interested in eyes today. I reassure you, we’re not going to get an ophthalmic session, I’m not going to put a board with letters of all sizes and all fonts in front of you, even if it could have been a great allegory of today’s topic. Indeed, you must have noticed that we, humans, are all different. As the letters on the ophthalmic chart, some are more alike than others, even though we are all of the same kind.
The way we look at ourselves has the power to impact our lives, positively or negatively. And the younger is the better to adjust to the best self-view possible because as you get older, self-acceptance gives way to the fear of aging and presbyopia – in short, we are always bored, lol. So put on your most beautiful glasses, the heartshaped and glittered ones (no judgment here, ed), put yourself at your ease and let’s get the show on the road.
Our insecurities take place in the way we look at others
When you were a baby or a little child, you did not care if your Dinosaur T-shirt went well with your pair of sneakers. You did not wonder if your nose was too big, twisted or if your lips were too thin or not. Then you grew up, in this family, with this entourage, in this society and they brought you values, norms, and manuals of behavior of all kinds. The vision that we have of ourselves begins with the gaze that the other poses on us, then comes into play the one we put on the others.
It is indeed the others who made you notice that you were taller or fatter, or that your voice was different … Without that, you would never have noticed this difference, or at least, not in a bad way. You probably would have thought, “Well, I am the tallest of the school,” but you would never have called yourself an “asparagus,” for example.
But the facility, reflex or defense, call it what you want, traps us to say our little snide comment on the cashier’s striped sweater or the towering hair of the neighbor too.
But it’s a bad, very bad idea because this is what makes us switch to a lack of self-confidence. Indeed, knowing that our human brain is relatively binary, it will apply your own system of thoughts on the esteem you have of yourself. You will then act and estimate yourself according to the way you look at others, and begin to criticize yourself more and more until you have complexes because the judgments you make on others have an impact on what you think people think of you. So the work to be done on oneself must go through the relationship with the others.
We esteem ourselves as we judge others
Let’s take an example. You’ve probably heard or participated, no matter your gender, in this kind of free criticism: “Oh, have you seen how she’s dressed that one? And blah blah blah. ”
This girl is wearing an outfit that you say is “ridiculous.” However, you’re not that woman, so I want to say: let her get dressed how she wants, because, good news, it’s not you who wears these clothes (or this haircut, this chin, this way of walking …) Where the hell is it your business? This has no impact on your life, however, so short, that it does not deserve to be spoiled by minutes of judgments on other congeners.
Stopping this behavior will be of great help to your mental health. Why? Because when you stop criticizing others, and when it’s time to walk down the street, put on new clothes, look at one of your physical hang-ups in the mirror, you will not have the mechanism to think negatively and criticize yourself, or to think that others will snap at you as you did before. So never again will you have in mind: “I like these pants, but I find myself too this or not enough that,” or “people will think this or that” because if you think like this, it is often because you think that of others. We are what we think of the others, in a way, or at least we esteem ourselves as we judge others.
Insofar as that we each have our particularities, strengths, and weaknesses, a good way to start accepting ourselves is to accept people without judgment. However, there is no question of becoming an intergalactic glitter pink bumblebee and thinking only positive about your congeners, but simply not to have any opinion at all on the appearance of the others, since “it is not our concern.”
The only look that should be is the one that one carries on oneself
Why losing time wasting your life, comparing it to others when it will never bring you anything good?
He (or she) is different from you, or does not have the same values? Great, it’s not you, so who cares? Would you like me to tell you the way to dress according to my standards? I don’t think so. And conversely. Nobody has to impose its own rules, its own culture, its judgments, its resentments, the others are neither punching bags to get rid of your frustrations, nor blocks of modeling clay to shape as it pleases.
Stopping comparing or criticizing others also helps to show the good example, to one’s offspring for example, and to prevent collateral damage, meaning avoiding the others to develop hang-ups because of us.
Especially as there are more enlightening things to do, something that really deserves to invest our time and energy: Comparing ourselves to our last year’s self to see our progress and points to improve …
It allows us to evolve, to keep a line of progress, to be proud of the trials we have overcome and the challenges we have achieved. Often, daily life prevents us from focusing on our own way of life; it is, however, essential to regularly check-in, not to forget where we wish to go.
It is certainly dangerous for one’s mental health to constantly compare oneself to others, but it is useful to take inspiration from the successes of our peers to motivate oneself. To be able to think that if he or she have succeeded we can also do it, to listen to wise advice, to enrich oneself with the experiences and the culture of others, to find inspiration in solar, charismatic and benevolent personalities, to learn and benefit from the knowledge of others, that is the true essence of humanity. I sometimes think that if the Extra-terrestrials are watching us, that’s the image I’d like them to have of us, lol.
The lost time of comparison or criticism of the others is a luxury that no mortal life can afford.
The more you get older, the more you realize that life is too precious to waste time on the neighbor’s eye, unless it is blue with a lovely voice and a great sense of humor (according to my taste, of course, ed).
The more years pass, the more we realize how life goes, how precious and short it is, how urgent it is to live, to experience, to travel, to cultivate ourselves, to spend time with those who are dear to us, to do the things we love, to tick boxes of our bucket list – because the coffin is much sooner than we think.
By remaining focused on one’s short and humble lives, we will make ours’ and others’ sweeter.
Ephemeral greetings XO
The treasure of your life trapped in the safe of your comparison with others. Enough metaphors: Apple store, Paris-Opera, Paris, France. Photo credit: myself, as always on this blog.